Redemption

I am in the middle of my second week of classes here at BCF and all is going well. Yesterday, was,for some reason, a day of just me being a mess. Ever since I was told that I wasn't going to be able to go to Grace College I have been totally confused at what path God has for me. My spiritual life has been a rollar coaster and I know that it should not be that way. I felt like the devil had some sort of hold on me,instead of letting God control me I was letting him. I completely lost control of my emotions and wasn't myself for most of the day. I snapped at dear friends and I knew that was the last straw. I barely talked for the rest of the day. I hate sharing my feelings unless it is something positive to share and I just wasn't in the mood to share at all. But God is Great and mighty because today I felt like the grip that satan had on my was lifted. In chapel one of the songs we sang was "In Christ Alone". I never truly read the words to the fullest till today and I literally teared up through the whole song. "....NO power of hell,NO scheme of man can ever pluck me from His hand...."I have never felt so relieved and at peace in my life. God has truly blessed me and used me even when I didn't want to be. He deserves more honor and praise than I give Him and from here ontg out I pray that He gets it. The desire that I am feeling to know Him more is more real than it has ever been in my life.
College life isn't going to be a blur it is going to be a day by day journey with the Lord as He leads me to where He needs me to be. I know that it is not going to be easy, but I also know that it will be a harder journey that I wouldn't get through if I didn't have Him. He has brought me through so much and I can't wait to see what He wants to do with me. I am totally honored too be used by Him! Redemption is a beautiful thing and I believe that is what happened today! I thank God that He is there to save me and redeeem me even when I don't even come close to deserveing it.

Something Ive Learned

This past week was a weekend of relaxation, fun, most of all a learning experience for myself.
On our way to Panama City we were listening to music and one of the songs that stuck in my head even till this point was "Here I Go Again" by Casting Crowns. i know the lyrics to this song but never really read them. I couldn't figure out why God kept this song playing again and again in my head and yesterday it finally hit me.

The lyrics that were stuck in my head were:
Maybe this time i'll speak the words of life,
with your fire in my eyes,
but that old familliar fear is tearing at my words,
What am i so afraid of?
Cause Here I go again,
Talkin bout the rain
mullin over things that won't live past today,
and as I dance around the truth,
time is not his friend,
this might be my last chance to tell em that you love him,
but here I go again.

This whole past weekend God brought my attention to how I don't take teh time and share. I walk around like I have no passion for Him, that He is just another friend in my life. In sunday school we learned about Jesus' ministry on earth and how He was aggressive and went out to save souls because He cared. My lifestyle was exactly like this song.
Maybe i'll share today and speak with passion, but no I can't because i'm to afraid. Wait why am I so afraid? Well lets talk about this and that which doesn't really matter. Well time is running out and this might be my last chance but i'm still to scared.

I don't want this lifestlye. I don't desire this lifestyle. I desire that passion that excited feeling that I get to share! Here I go again with another day and another chance to show His love and be agressive to share with someone!

I need to be kept accountable when I know that I have a chance but I don't take it! I ahve strength to share because Jesus is that strength! Here I go!!!

Taking it All in

Our student ministry at our church just got back from a week long camp. I love going to Crossroads because you not only get close with your fellow piers but you get to see the part of your life you are holding back from God, and you get a chance to change it!

This year one of the speakers (Clayton) was talking about having complete peace and no matter what he was going through he knew God was there.I have been longing for that feeling of complete peace! God put that desire into my heart and I knew there was something that was blocking it. I have a tendency to control my life, okay I do control my life. I am a very structured person and whenever something is wrong I have to fix it other wise my day will end up being completely chaotic. (Well inside that is).
After Clayton finished speaking Carl Cartee got up there and started worship. I never truly read the words with meaning, but that night each song, each word, had a beautiful meaning. The one phrase that stuck out to me the whole night was " Take my life and let it be all for you and for your Glory, take my life and let it be yours". Right then I knew that I needed to let God have complete and total control over my life. Instead of taking the driver seat, I need to take the passenger seat.
I noticed when I controled my own life it brought me no where. Honestly it lead me down a path to rock bottom. Whenever God lead me to do something I would do it half heartedly or even be bitter and only let God work through me a little bit. I am excited to see how much God can truly use me and I am ready to do it whole heartedly and by completely surrendering my life to Him!
"Here I am Lord! Send me!"

Day 15 of a month long blog!

Today is another "whatever tickles my fancy" day. Well its early and I am tired so this may seem to be a jumbled blog. I just have to say, getting a good nights rest is very vital for a healthy lifestlye, but being able to get up early because you are about to go and have a amazing week, seems to be more vital to me right now. Well I am not gonna type much so I can finish with what I need to do before I leave, but this day is the start of a week that I know I will never forget!

Day 14 of a month long blog!

A fictional book.....hmmm this is a good question. I think I am going to talk about the book that I am reading for college right now, which is " This Voice in my Heart" by Gilbert Tuhabonye.
Gilbert Tuhabonye is becoming one of my favorite people as I read his story on what he went through and how he got where he is now! I don't want to give anything away, but he is a track star who graduated from Abilene Christian University. He grew up in the tribe of Tutsi and his journey while he was there is life changing. He got through everything "by the Grace of God" as Gilbert says.
I can't even explain it all in this blog. I will just say go and read it and I know your life will be put into a perspective that you wouldn't even imagine!

Day 13 of a month long blog!

Today we are talking about a fictional book. I would have to say a fictional book that I really like is "The Prophet" by Frank Peretti. I had to read it my sophmore year in high school and at first I didn't really like it but eventually I couoldn't put the book down!
Its about a anchorman whos father was a "prophet" which drove him crazy. When his father dies, which seems like a accidental death, his sons world turns upside down. He becomes the "prophet" and starts hearing a voice that is telling him "the truth" of every person when he is in a room.
This book keeps you on the edge of your seat as you read it! It is defintely a book worth reading!

Day 12 of a month long blog!

Today is again "Whatever Tickles your Fancy" , so here is one of those survey things that you would see on Facebook or Myspace, maybe even on emails.

Rule # 1:
You open this you take it.
Rule # 2:
You are not allowed to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks.
Rule # 3:
Only anwser true and false.

Q: Been arrested?
False
Q:Kissed someone you didn't like?
False
Q: Do you like/love someone?
False
Q: Held a snake?
True
Q: Been suspended from school?
False
Q: Been fired from a job?
False
Q: Sang karoke?
True
Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
True
Q: Laughed until you started crying?
True
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
True
Q: Kissed in the rain?
False
Q: Sang in the shower?
True
Q: Sat on a rooftop?
True
Q: Been pushed into a pool with your clothes on?
True
Q: Broken a bone?
False ( but I have torn Ligiments)
Q: Shaved your head?
False haha I would totally weird if I did that ha.
Q: Played a prank on someone?
True
Q: Made a ex girlfriend/ex boyfriend cry?
False
Q: Shot a gun?
True
Q: Donated blood?
True
Q: Had your heart broken?
False
Q: Broken someones heart?
False ( not that I know of )

Who was your last?

1. People?
umm....
2. You texted?
madre
3. You went in a car with?
Erica
4. Went to the movies with?
Alaina and BJ and some other people.
5. Went to the mall with?
padre haha
6. You talked on the phone?
madre
7. Made you laugh?
Erica
8. You hugged?
Erica
9. You cried with?
Mrs. Benn and Erica

Would you rather...?

1. Pierce your tongue or nose?
nose
2. Be serious or funny?
both
3. Die in a fire or get shot?
wow ummm get shot

okay thats all for today.

Day 11 of a month long blog!

So this is a photo taken of me recently. It is one of my senior pictures. (taken by JHalstead Photography!) This was taken in May so it is kind of recent.

Day 10 of a month long blog!

A lot of people change over the years and I definitely have. I don't look like I used to at all. haha.

I believe I was around 9 in this picture. I honestly remember this day perfectly! It amazes me how much people change over the years and I like how you change on the inside and the outside as you grow up. You mature just as you start looking mature. I love looking back and seeing, not only how much I have changed, but also how other people have changed. So here I am in this picture as a 9 year old and I am writing this as a 18 year old!

Day 9 of a month long blog!

I love taking pictures, well sometimes, but I love the memories behind them. They are reminders of the good times, the sad times and the times we need to remember the most. Some pictures are crazy, some are weird, and others are amazing! This picture here is one that I took when I was in India the second time. I have been to the Tahj before but this time I got a at least decent piture of it! I am not that great at taking pictures haha.

The Tahj is one of the seven wonders of the world, and that is because the building was put together with the little touches that count! It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. So this is one of the many pictures that I have taken!

Day 8 of a month long blog!

So many memories that I am going to miss and there is one in particular that I miss, and I am really sad that it is over. Well not the whole having to go to school thing but not being able to see these guys everyday anymore:

This is my graduating class...as you can see! With most of them I spent 4 yrs of my high school life with and we all had the same classes (for the most part). So graduating with them and then telling them good bye was kinda hard. This is one memory though that makes me sad whenever I look at it.

p.s. It makes me laugh to but thats not todays question ha.

Day 7 of a month long blog!

There are so many pictures that make me smile! I have so many memories and people that I love and shared some of the best moments of my life with. So I will share a few of them with yo!

This night was amazing! These girls are some of the best company I could ask for when I go out to dinner! The conversations were hilarious and the bonding time was needed! The food was great and so was the memory of it!

This would be my family! We were in North Carolina in the mountains! One of my favorite places to be! I really love these guys more than you know!

India! A place that has stolen my heart! I love that God gave me a opportunity to go and be able to witness the great things He is doing! I have been there twice over Christmas break and had a experience that I will never forget.

Graduation night! These 3 people are some of the best people that you could graduate with! They are amazing! This night was one of the best nights of my life.

Day 6 of a month long blog!

I have nothing to write for today. That is what "tickles my fancy"(that was the question ha.)! Taking a day off of this blog!

Day 5 of a month long blog!

What is my favorite quote??? This is a easy question. Because I have two of them and they have been my favorites for a really long time.



My first favorite quote is, " My primary purpose in life is to release Gods story to every man, woman, and child I come into contact with." -Adam Mayfield. This is my "life quote" if that even exisits haha. I truly have a desire to be Gods messenger and let people know who He is and get to know Him!

My second favorite quote is, " The crucial question is not,do you belong to a church,have you been baptized,or even have you made a profession of faith? The crucial question is, have you been born again? Has God wrought salvation on your soul?" - Voddie Baucham Jr. This is a amazing quote! A lot of people think that if you go to church or if you have been baptized that you are going to heaven, but that is definitely not how you get there. God has to save you and make you a new creature!

These are my 2 favorite quotes of all time!

Day 4: of a month long blog!

The fourth day of this blog and we are all still at it!! (which is a really good thing!) What is my favorite book? Well this one is a easy one. Even though I have read tons and tons of books my favorite is "Redeeming Love". If you have never read it, I think you should! It is a amazing book!



"Redeeming Love" is a modern day version of the harlot in the Bible. Francine Rivers, the author of "Redeeming Love", does a amazing job at portraying both of the main characters in this story. In parts I felt as if I was really there with them, just as a on looker. It is a beautiful story of love, hope and trusting in God. Once you start reading it, you really cant put it down!

Day 3: of a month long blog!

Todays question is " What is my favorite television program?" I don't watch tv all the time so there won't be any shows that just started or probably have a new season that started.

Well for all of you who know me really well you might say anything on Disney Channel! Which is totally true haha. I do not care how old I am Disney Channel is still at the top of the list! Why? I will tell you! I am obsessed with Disney in itself. I have been for a long time! I love all the shows that come on it, well most of them (the exception is a few of them that are annimated). It entertains me and keeps my attention. Not a lot of shows even movies can do that so you know its good when I can actually sit down and watch it. I do not have a favorite show on Disney Channel I just love most of them!

But I do have some other shows that I love to watch when I get time to! If I truly had to pick though it would be The Cosby Show!! I Love Bill Cosby! Whenever I watch it I either laugh, cry (mainly because I am laughing so hard), and laugh. Do you get the picture here? The Cosby Show has great morals and life lessons as well. Even though it is funny (well to me). The whole cast has great chemistry together (meaning they work well together). Bill Cosby makes the whole show though I must say. So The Cosby Show is one of my favorite shows.

Day 2: of a month long blog!!

Day 2 would be, my favorite movie. This is one of the hardest questions you could ask me haha. But if we are talking about a movie that was already out than I would have to go with "The Proposal". Yet I have seen other movies since then that I really do love!
One of them is "Karate Kid". I don't care how many Karate Kid movies are out there, this by far was my favorite. I thought it wasn't going to be that great because of all the other ones, but it truly did blow me out of the water! I love Jackie Chan, and having him in this movie was a major plus! I feel as if I am doing a movie review! Another movie I would recommend would be " The Killers"! LOVE IT!!! Just saying. If you have not seen those movies yet, you definitely should!!

Disconnected

As most of you know I will be leaving in a little more than a month. For some reason me leaving came with me starting to drift from everyone. It's definitely not on purpose, it is just a way for me to get used to not being around all of you most of the time. If I have seemed distant lately and "out of the loop", I really do apologize. For me its survival to do this, because otherwise I will become very homesick. I'm not leaving for 2 weeks or even a month, this will be for a couple of months and I am not sure how I am going to cope (sp). I know sometimes I don't seem to really be a part and do my part, but I honestly sometimes don't have the heart to. I know that this is where God wants me to be and go, but at the same time a part of me wants to stay and be a part of y'alls lives while we are in college (or for some still in high school,maybe even middle). I do not want to forget the memories and the impact that all of you have had on my life. I know that those never go away, but I know when I come back to visit or even if I move back things will never be the same.

On a more positive outlook, I know that this will be a growing process. It is going to be Great (not good or bad) change and I will be one step closer to doing what God called me to do as a job! We will all be a step closer through this journey here on earth and I can't wait to see what God does in all of your lives! I will be praying for each and every one of you nonstop!!! I am here now and God has blessed me with this last more than a month to spend time with you all!! I am ready to cherish it more than ever!

be glorified Jared Anderson with lyrics

Day 1: of a month long blog!

So this is a little different. It has nothing to do with my moving or even me at college. Some friends and I decieded to do a 30 day blog on different questions and day 1's question is "What is your favorite song?" Here it goes...

By far my favorite song is "Glorified" by Jared Anderson. I have a lot of favorite artists but songs, this one defintely beats all. I play it while getting ready or while im just chillin. It glorifies the name of Jesus (which of course is the most important thing), and reminds me that He is in control!

1 month down...1 1/2 to go.

I have 1 1/2 months until I leave for college! The nerves are definitely starting to come and take over. I have been praying a lot on this decision and I finally have complete and total peace over it. God has deifintely opened and closed the doors that helped me see where His path is leading. I am excited to start the journey and can't wait for the next step into my future. For now I will be praying and keeping faith in the one who created it all.

Can't wait!

I have now graduated high school and I am moving on to the next chapter of my life. In a couple of months I will be leaving my life in Florida for a college experience in Indiana. Mixed emotions have been bubbling inside of me since graduation. I will be keeping all of you updated when I move. This summer is going to have to be beyond a summer to remember so I will never forget how far i've come! Everything happened so fast and now im ready for time to slow down so I can take it all in. I can't wait to see where God takes me and I also can't wait to be all I can be for Him!