Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I am in the middle of my second week of classes here at BCF and all is going well. Yesterday, was,for some reason, a day of just me being a mess. Ever since I was told that I wasn't going to be able to go to Grace College I have been totally confused at what path God has for me. My spiritual life has been a rollar coaster and I know that it should not be that way. I felt like the devil had some sort of hold on me,instead of letting God control me I was letting him. I completely lost control of my emotions and wasn't myself for most of the day. I snapped at dear friends and I knew that was the last straw. I barely talked for the rest of the day. I hate sharing my feelings unless it is something positive to share and I just wasn't in the mood to share at all. But God is Great and mighty because today I felt like the grip that satan had on my was lifted. In chapel one of the songs we sang was "In Christ Alone". I never truly read the words to the fullest till today and I literally teared up through the whole song. "....NO power of hell,NO scheme of man can ever pluck me from His hand...."I have never felt so relieved and at peace in my life. God has truly blessed me and used me even when I didn't want to be. He deserves more honor and praise than I give Him and from here ontg out I pray that He gets it. The desire that I am feeling to know Him more is more real than it has ever been in my life.
College life isn't going to be a blur it is going to be a day by day journey with the Lord as He leads me to where He needs me to be. I know that it is not going to be easy, but I also know that it will be a harder journey that I wouldn't get through if I didn't have Him. He has brought me through so much and I can't wait to see what He wants to do with me. I am totally honored too be used by Him! Redemption is a beautiful thing and I believe that is what happened today! I thank God that He is there to save me and redeeem me even when I don't even come close to deserveing it.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Something Ive Learned

This past week was a weekend of relaxation, fun, most of all a learning experience for myself.
On our way to Panama City we were listening to music and one of the songs that stuck in my head even till this point was "Here I Go Again" by Casting Crowns. i know the lyrics to this song but never really read them. I couldn't figure out why God kept this song playing again and again in my head and yesterday it finally hit me.

The lyrics that were stuck in my head were:
Maybe this time i'll speak the words of life,
with your fire in my eyes,
but that old familliar fear is tearing at my words,
What am i so afraid of?
Cause Here I go again,
Talkin bout the rain
mullin over things that won't live past today,
and as I dance around the truth,
time is not his friend,
this might be my last chance to tell em that you love him,
but here I go again.

This whole past weekend God brought my attention to how I don't take teh time and share. I walk around like I have no passion for Him, that He is just another friend in my life. In sunday school we learned about Jesus' ministry on earth and how He was aggressive and went out to save souls because He cared. My lifestyle was exactly like this song.
Maybe i'll share today and speak with passion, but no I can't because i'm to afraid. Wait why am I so afraid? Well lets talk about this and that which doesn't really matter. Well time is running out and this might be my last chance but i'm still to scared.

I don't want this lifestlye. I don't desire this lifestyle. I desire that passion that excited feeling that I get to share! Here I go again with another day and another chance to show His love and be agressive to share with someone!

I need to be kept accountable when I know that I have a chance but I don't take it! I ahve strength to share because Jesus is that strength! Here I go!!!